Last week someone told me, “Yes I love someone, but I don’t have a girlfriend.”
The conversation was out of context to what I’m about to write, but it hits like an epiphany.
Maybe, we know how to love, after all we have siblings, parents, pets, best friends, childhood buddies, perfect mannered strangers - love is easy, and familiar.
Then there’s relationship.
I spoke to an old friend the other day, and she expressed her disinterest in getting into a relationship with this person that she said “He’s the first and last person I talk to.” And so I ask, why not pursue it? She gave me reasons, mostly distance. But, aren’t they already in a relationship? Somehow a random text from a distant stranger has brought them to the present where they have build a relationship between two people that is settling to trust, comfort and ease. Isn’t that a relationship?
Funny how we choose a person we like, and have no idea of their character and flaws, and dynamics with our being, and say “Let’s be together.”
We never tapped the shoulder of our current best friends years ago and say, “We’re gonna be best friends someday.” You go on with your lives, and time will make way for the both of you.
Then again, tonight, I spoke to another old friend who has a relationship that seemed perfect - not over the top, just simple. And they broke it off - but they still talk, and physical gestures that occur after the breakup leave them in despair, but also a call from home.
But maybe that’s how it should be, our twenty something life; we don’t know how to be in a relationship, the commitment, compromise, all that requires a different level of maturity, a set of characters and effort, and a sense of responsibility to the union.
But we know how to love. Maybe this generation isn’t so hopeless after all.
Let’s not mistaken growing comfort to falling in love. This is easy, you and me, nevermind how it started. We were old strangers, in a crowded place by chance. I admit, I’ve always wondered what it’s like to kiss those promiscuous lips of yours. They say you’re bad, and you admit that too.
But what I’ve learned over the years is; nice guys, bad guys, they all hurt you in the end some way or another.
You just gotta be better at protecting the heart, at picking yourself up multiple times in a row.
I did what they tell me to do, but like I have said before, we gotta stop playing chinese whispers. I hear too many things about people that are untrue, and what I would love is for someone to defy all assumptions and humanize the rumors.
Sometimes you pleasantly surprise me, sometimes you live that stereotype, but there’s more to you and me than this label on our backs - everyone is multidimensional.
And so, you find someone you have a chemistry with - the next thing that you have to wait for is timing. But, you can’t help but stare and I still linger, and we laugh about it til dawn, before you pull me in. Comfort. Growing comfort.
I know the way I have written this, or the words I’ve chosen to send to you over midnight texts might seem like I’m romanticizing everything - but I’m just expressing my contentment of this.
Because I know, we still want the best of both worlds, and for now, this will do.
“You’re different, than the others, you know how to separate feelings and physical.” He said, caressing my hair.
I laugh. For a moment that seemed true. All I wanted was honesty, you can do anything you want, just be honest.
But this is my way of guarding my vulnerable little heart, each year seems like I’ve learned nothing, that’s why I keep fronting duplicates of situations and people - everyone reminds me of everyone. Like ghosts of the past are not done at all with me.
This time I will be smarter, this time I’ll be bulletproof.